life without you

Piya: the person I love…I don’t want him, I hate him the most but still I love him.
Adversities make few people to break down and few to break records…in similar circumstances I am here with this blog titled ‘life without you’ in our national language Hindi titled ‘Tum bin’.

To begin with let me ask you a question what’s the biggest trouble you have faced in your life? Answers will vary from person to person but one of the fact that can be considered as the universal truth is, nothing else matters when you are struggling for your existence or in other words battling for your survival. Another question arises what do you do when you are in deep trouble? Finding ways to get out? Praying to the ultimate god? Fighting it out? Whatever you do one thing is sure when you are sunk into nose deep trouble the thinking’s that transpires through your mind other than the troubles are the things that you really want to achieve in your life. Have you ever met a dying person who has only few moments to live and asked him what does he want? Those people would be seldom seen being proud of what they have achieved but would be often heard whispering what they couldn’t do. You would often find people uttering something in unconsciousness, we may consider it as a blabber but being precise about things these unconscious words are often the words that we really want to do or achieve in life.
When you are happy you seldom care for things…and you don’t bother much of the outside world. But when you are down in life you look out for your mistakes, trying to realize your faults…this story is among those stories where you will come across to know how life fared for a person who lost his love.
A story of Shekhar…after he lost his Piya
I would like to give a small introduction of Shekhar…
Shekhar was a simple, decent, down to earth guy. He was a charming …always happy and would love to spend his time with friends…you would never see him quiet…full of life…willing to enjoy each and every moment of his life…everything changed after he lost his love…a fresher in college…but still you won’t see him talking much…seldom speaks…prefers to remain alone…aloneness and silence seemed to be his best friends…
Most of them thought him as a nerd…his appearance was no more than a geek…in spite of all this a girl named Mili wanted to be his friend and approached him one day…
Mili: hi…Shekhar I am Mili…you don’t seem to have much friends will you be my friend?
Shekhar: (didn’t speak turned away from Mili…and started walking away)
Mili: hey what happened? Why are you walking away?
By then Shekhar was out the scene…
Next day:-
Mili: Shekhar…why did you go away without replying me?
Shekhar: (about to go turned his face…)
Mili: Shekhar…you can’t go away like this… this is not the way how you should behave to a girl.
Shekhar: (stood standstill)
Mili: you don’t want to be friends…your wish…but at least you could reply to me.
Shekhar: (didn’t utter)
Mili: why are you so silent? Is there anything wrong with you?
Shekhar: I can’t be your friend…I can’t be anybody’s friend... (folded both his hands). Please excuse me. I have to go.
Mili was shocked with his reply…she didn’t say anything…she kept on thinking about his unusual reply…
After few days:
Mili: (in one of the practical classes) Shekhar…you are quite intelligent…would you mind giving me those notes on semiconductor laser beams?
Shekhar: (handed his notes to Mili…and as he was about to speak…return it to me tomorrow…something came up to his mind probably something from his past and said) return me when are done with it.
Mili: thanks…
Next day:
Mili: don’t you speak anything other than the studies? I found something written in your notes…who is this Piya? She is not in our section…what is her stream?
Shekhar almost snatched the notes from her to see what was written saw a message-Piya happy friendship day…the next few lines were scratched …he didn’t respond to any of Mili’s answer and went away.
A year passed by…
Shekhar would seldom speak anything to Mili.. On the other hand Mili took…Shekhar’s phone number from one of their classmate…she would message him quite often…but Shekhar never replied …he didn’t have any problems sharing his notes but he would never speak anything.
One day:
Mili: Shekhar I have been seeing you like this for a year now…why are you quiet all the time? There is something wrong with you…I often find something written in your notes but all scratched…what is it that you cannot speak to anybody?
Shekhar: I gave you my notes only because I thought you are in need for those notes…I would help anybody who come to me for studies…you are no one to ask those personal questions…if you carry on with all this I would not give any of my notes to you.
Mili: why are you so rude? You don’t talk with anybody…in our practical batch of 20 students ….there are 2 boys other than you…they talk with everybody…you always stay alone…don’t like girls or what?
Shekhar: why are you concerned about me?
Mili: class mates say…not only in class…in hostel also you always live in solitude…you don’t have much friends …earlier I thought you are so serious about your studies that you don’t speak in class or in practical…but now I know… you don’t have anybody to share your feelings with…have you ever noticed…half of your notes are scratched…you want to speak something to somebody…everyday you write something on the back of your notes…and then you scratch them…Shekhar I consider you to be a good friend…you can tell me.
Shekhar: why do you want to know about me?
Mili: suppose you want to speak something to somebody…but that person doesn’t want to listen to you…doesn’t want to talk to you…how would you feel? Bad isn’t it…by isolating yourself with others you are doing the same mistake…you are not letting your friends to talk to you…Shekhar don’t keep things in your heart speak them out…believe me you will feel better.
Shekhar: I have nothing to speak about myself.
Mili: ok…at least tell me why did you go away the first day I came up to you?
Shekhar: it’s personal…
Mili: don’t irritate me…by the way I have read one of your letter that you wrote to Piya on the back of mechanics notes that you forgot to scratch.
Shekhar: you shouldn’t have read my personal things…you don’t have any right to read those.
Mili: you love that girl…what kind of love is this…she hates you…with every passing day she hates you more than the previous day…but it seems your love for her increases with her hatred…where do you think your love will take you to?
Shekhar: yes I love her. Love is never judged on account whether you get your love at last but what you feel for her even when she has no feelings for you. It’s very easy to hate someone who doesn’t love you but when you really love someone your love will grow with each passing day…no matter even if you have to spend those days in tears.
Mili: thank god you spoke…did you see how words came out of your mouth…did you notice what all did you speak just now…that’s why I say share your feelings…it helps…
Shekhar: ok…I will answer all your questions…but you have to promise me 2 things first no soul in this college should know about my love whatever I will say to you it would be confined only up to you and secondly you would be a friend and will never fall in love with me.
Mili: do I have to accept all these…ok I accept and I promise.
Shekhar told everything about himself and Piya…right from the day when they met for the first time…till the day when Piya finally left Shekhar…
Mili was shocked to know Shekhar had so much pain hidden in his heart. Mili’s sympathy for Shekhar meant she started hating Piya and in the meanwhile she started loving Shekhar…as Shekhar wouldn’t talk to any other girl, Mili took her opportunities to come close to Shekhar faking him that she is helping him to share his pain. When Mili knew all about Piya…she contacted Piya’s medical college friends and spoke whatever rubbish she could (against Piya)…Mili didn’t stop here…Shekhar’s love story spread to every nook and corner of the college…everybody started taunting Shekhar in the name of Piya…
When Shekhar came to know about all this …he inquired to Mili
Shekhar: why did you do this to me?
Mili: it’s for your good…forget Piya…she doesn’t deserve you…I can’t see you grumbling Piya’s name every day.
Shekhar: dam it…I love her
Mili: she doesn’t love you…she doesn’t deserve you.
Shekhar: you will decide what she deserves? Why did you contact Piya’s friend?
Mili: to know about her
Shekhar: who asked you to know about her…
Mili: Piya doesn’t love you she loves somebody else in her college…
Shekhar: it’s her life…she can do whatever she wants…it has nothing to do with you.
Mili: Shekhar why don’t you understand…I love you…
Shekhar: enough…Mili…you broke both the promises I made with you…and now you know why I don’t talk with girls…all girls are the same…do you know the name of the person I hate the most it’s you Mili…Piya was far away from me…and now because of you…she may not come in my life again…Mili Shekhar is dead for you. Good bye
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Friends…try and analyze Shekhar’s life…Mili ,well she had 2 other affairs to content with…and am sure kind of girl she is…she must have already found a substitute for Shekhar. Where does it lead to? Shekhar became a laughing stock in front of everybody in college thanks to Mili…Shekhar did change after he lost Piya…but after this incident…he stopped going to college for months…would be often found closed in a room without talking to anybody…his health was a major concern as he was admitted in hospital for 21 days during that period. Few of his friend did convince him…and he did control himself in his latter half of his college life…Shekhar was never worried about being a laughing stock but he couldn’t forgive himself as he found Piya hating her even more than before as she thought whatever Mili spoke to her college mates it was Shekhar’s idea. Shekhar could only rue to the fact…why did he tell about his life to Mili.
Things didn’t end up here…
Today…Piya refuses to even accept that she had loved Shekhar at any moment in the past…I have nothing to say except to present few of her messages that she sent to Shekhar on different occasion..(* all these messages were sent by Piya to Shekhar)
4th December 2006: I must say you are not romantic at all. You can share all feelings & love with your best friend too. But the one you love is something more than a friend.
11th December 2006: you have expressed your love in this message. I think you know what will happen if my father reads it…that’s why I tell you send message only if I do…every day I don’t keep cell with me.
29th December 2006: what will you do if I say I love you?
14th januanry2007: please don’t mind I will ask you a question…do you still love Piya?
6th April 2007: I love you (around 2:28 am)
The last day when they had a talk with each other…
6th June 2007: even I miss you dear…but I have a problem…please try to understand. Love you
6th June 2007: let’s talk of something else…about you & me…& love
6th June 2007: Whatever I will say, will you believe? You are my dream my love and my life, I just want to spend my life with you. What’s the best thing you like in me my eyes, lips, face…don’t say you love all.

Shekhar’s feelings can be best understood by this famous Bollywood song…

Bejan dil ko…Bejan dil ko…bejan dil ko tere ishq ne jinda kiya….fir tere ishq ne hi is dil ko tabah kiya…
Tadap tadap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi mujhko saja di pyar ki aisa kya gunah kiya to lut gaye…haan lut gaye...to lut gaye hum teri mohabbat mein. (~3)
Ajab hai ishq yaara….pal do pal ki khusiyan……gam ke khajane mein lute hain fir milti hain tanhaiyan kabhi ashoo kabhi aahe kabhi sikwe kabhi naale… tera chehra nazar aaye…tera chehra nazar aaye mujhe din ke ujalo mein…teri yaadein tadpape…. Teri yaadein tadpaye raaton ke andhero mein….tera chehra nazar aaye… Machal machal ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi mujhko saja di pyar ki aisa kya gunah kiya to lut gaye…haan lut gaye…to lut gaye hum teri mohabbat mein….
Agar mile khuda to…. Poochunga khudaya…… jism mujhe deke mitti ka…seese ka dil kyun banaya aur uspe diya fitrat ki wo karta hai mohabbat…wah re wah teri kudrat…wah re wah teri kudrat uspe de diya kismat kabhi hai Milan kabhi furkat…kabhi hai Milan kabhi furkat…hai yahi kya hai mohabbat…wah re wah teri kudrat…
Sissk sissk ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi mujhko saja di pyar ki aisa kya gunah kiya… to lut gaye…haan lut gaye …to lut gaye hum teri mohabbat mein tadap tadap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi mujhko saja di pyar ki aisa kya guanh kiya to lut gaye …haan lut gaye …to lut gaye hum teri mohabbat mein.