Thursday, July 29, 2010

Love marriage & arranged marriage…!!!

One of the most common proverb that we come across is ‘marriages are made in heaven’. It’s a miraculous god’s play that we know everybody from our birth but the one who becomes one’s life partner, we come to know about her only when the appropriate time comes. Marriages off late is broadly categorized as love and arranged…but their also exist a third category & I will let you all know about it along with the pros and cons of both arranged and love marriage.
Arranged marriages are regarded as the one which comes from our cultural roots, signifies where we have come from be it from any religion, caste or culture whereas love marriages were looked down upon and weren’t accepted by our fore front ancestors. But if you look at the past you would come across with many examples of love marriages…well there must have been some flaws in the traditional system that led to the silent rousing of love marriages. If we look at the present constitutional rule every male who has attained the age of 21 and female of 18 has the right to marry according to their wish and no law or rule can be enforced to devoid their right to marry according to their choices.

Arranged marriages:
India the country known for its rich cultural grounds…and going with those rich culture the culture of arranged marriage had come from ancient past. In ancient times, in arranged marriages the parents & the elderly persons of the family decided the match of their ward and the person concerned had no right to decline or deny the match chosen for them. With time and wits this traditional system was manipulated a bit, with a change that the parson to be married is asked about their liking of their opposite match. But the main concept of choosing their match is still done by their parents… the most modernistic arranged marriages are done where the couple chosen by parents are not only asked about their concern but they are also allowed to spend time with each other, going to dates and all so that they come to know about each other. Marriages of this kind are accepted by one and all as it has the backing of all the concerned members of the family and the society.
But there are few major flaws in this marriage system. The couples to be married know each other for only a month or two and it’s very hard to know one’s competency with the other in such a short notice. Some may argue that such arranged marriages have been successful and will be so in the days to come. But if this is the case why are there broken relations and divorces in the society? One may conclude where there are pros there will be cons and the rate of divorces are very low. But if you look at the statistics the rates have grown more than the population rate of the country. If the old theory is correct then why almost every country has given a right to the citizen where they can marry according to their choices? Looking at the recent past majority of the marriages is still arranged & this is certainly not because it is the most competent system but because people didn’t have the courage to go against the society and the family. They wouldn’t think to do anything which is against the tradition laid by their ancestors and would ultimately sacrifice their life for the betterment of their children. But the young generation who is not only concerned about the society and the family but also has an eye for their life and their choices…this change in the view has resulted in the increasing number of love marriages.

Love marriages:
Love marriages came into existence as a silent outburst against the traditional marriages. Incompetency factor was completely wiped out as the partners before going off to marriage knew a lot about each other. There is a better understanding between the couple and thus is considered as more effective then the arranged marriages. It gave the adults the right to choose and look beyond the age old thesis of the society. But it has raised concern to the family and the society, as our parents and a society as a whole fail to go with the thinking of the youth and are so obstinate about their traditional ways as such today also love marriages are looked down by many societies. Irrespective of their disapproval by the society love marriages have grown from strength to strength. Acceptance of love marriages among today’s youth is mainly because marriages are more crucial to the couples concerned then the society as they have to commit themselves for their life and it's worth a point to go against the obstinate rule of the society as it’s about their entire future.
I don’t give a damn to the society but still there is one thing that I cannot ignore and it's parents. As love marriages have grown joint families have given way to nuclear families but most importantly in selecting their partner for life they are ignoring their parents & leaving them alone to face the cruel world in old age. It is very hurting to know that given a choice to choose between parents and love. Today’s youth are going towards love. I am not against love but leaving parents for love is certainly not a good option. That is why I reverberate about the third category of marriages.
Most of the people are confused when I am speaking about the 3rd category? Is there a 3rd category where love as well as parents is given equal importance? Actually there isn’t any clear cut 3rd category but a submissive of the love and the arranged marriages. Still confused? Well I am speaking of love which is seen in love marriages and then the marriage which is arranged by the parents and the entire family. There comes the next question is that possible? The answer is why not, most of you must have read the two states of my marriage by chetan bhagat. If you have the guts to fight for your love then why don’t you try and convince your parents and other members of your family regarding your love. Marriages are certainly made in heaven but a happy married life is possible only when you have the acceptance and blessing of your parents and other elderly members of your family. I am not against arranged or the love marriages but if you ask my suggestion I will certainly go with the 3rd category where there is love cum arranged marriage…I have a strong feeling that if you are so much concerned about your love then you should also be concerned about your parents accepting your choice as a partner…thus in today’s world the mantra for a happy ‘love cum arranged’ married life is first to stand upon your feet where you are capable enough for your beloved in all spheres of life & then approving both the parents of respective families to accept the other person as your life partner…

Thus I would end my discussion by repeating those famous words: “Marriages are certainly made in heaven but a happy married life is possible only when you have the acceptance and blessing of your parents and other elderly members of your family, be it a love or arranged marriage.”


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