STRUGGLE FOR LOVE…

Those who have read my blogs would know I write on love stories which are incomplete…you will find thousands of those who write love stories with a happy ending…I certainly don’t want to fall in the same queue….so I write stories which are incomplete….it’s just to make the readers realize that real life stories are not any Bollywood sequel. Only a certain percentage of real life stories are successful but majority of them end in tragedies which go unnoticed and finally they are swallowed by time and are present only at the heart of their closed ones like that of ancient history…here is a story which could have been complete but …
How far can you go in one sided love? What best can you do for the person you love without hurting her? When do you realize that your chapter is finally closed?
I won’t answer any of these questions as I normally do…but you have to gauze the answers by yourself.
This story or the things described are confidential and are not known to anybody except the couple. The friend who is referred below is an imaginary creation…and no such person in real life exists who knows about all this incidences.
One diehard fan of Hrithik Roshan was overheard saying
Rohit: you know life is of 4 stages, stage 1-koi mil gaya, stage 2-lakshya, stage 3- kaho na pyar hai, 4- yaadein
Friend: you are Hrithik freak what if your end will be that of his latest flick kites?
Rohit: I believe in doing what I can do…if my future is kites then I will face it with my arms open…
Friend: by the way which stage are you in presently?
Rohit: the last stage where there is only remembrance of what could have been a life worth living…
Friend: and after that?
Rohit: is there a life after death? The question you are asking is similar to life after death which is meaningless.
Friend: it seems you have so much pain hidden within you…will you like to share your story.
Rohit: there is no point describing a story which doesn’t have a starting…
Friend: your story never started? But I have heard you never gave up until the very end; at least you can share your struggle so that everyone among us could substantiate your love which was no more than one sided affair…but still you are ready to accept everything as your fate?
Rohit: well… I don’t want to; as she said it’s private and confidential… I don’t think it would make any issue if I disclose it now…as it’s long past and it would certainly not restrain her present or future.
Friend: it seems as if you are talking of some hidden treasure…
Rohit: what do you expect after proposing a girl…either yes or no isn’t it?
Friend: yup…but what if she is angry and beat you with her sandal?
Rohit: jokes apart…she gave me a letter…of 8 pages (including both sides of the pages)
Friend: a letter?
Rohit: I won’t go through the entire letter…but the essence, because of which I came so far in one sided love.
Friend: carry on…by the way what’s her name?
Rohit: Sonia…
Rohit: the letter which she gave to me….
Rohit,
This letter contains the answer of the question you had asked. The things I am writing to you is absolutely true. It’s private and confidential. Please do not disclose it to anyone. I am not taking any promise from you because I trust you. I do not fear the disclosure but the thing is that I do not want anyone to make fun of my feelings as nobody will believe this.
I have loved someone very much. But you know what, he is no more in my life, he is no more in this world. He went far away from me, very far, breaking all his promises leaving me lonely and alone. I will never forget him. I still love him. I still cry for him. I still believe that he will come back to his love one day atleast to fulfill all the promises he made. You will think this is impossible, but it is still possible for me.
I can see him in the moon; I can see him in the stars. I can see him smiling at me and whispering in my ears “Sonia, you have to live a long life, I am there with you always. Do not loose hope. Look ahead, so beautiful is life same as your smile, same as your twinkling eyes. So lovely like our love!”
But how can I make him understand life cannot be beautiful without him. I still live for him.
You know what Rohit, now tears are rolling down my eyes, but I am still writing with a heavy heart because I am unable to stop myself today.
God has taken him away from me. Even today before going to the bed, I search for the moon, stars and the lonely sky just to say ‘good night’ and my heart cries “come back, please come back ! I am lonely without you. Why did you leave me alone in this long journey of life. I need you please come back.
Rohit, I love him, it’s just impossible to live without him. No one can understand my feelings. He is my first love and love happens only once. I cannot love anyone else. I never made anyone feel that I have so much to say, behind my eyes, there are so many tears. They come down when I am alone recollecting his memories. He taught me how to love someone, how to feel for someone, how to cry for someone and how to miss someone.
Did you ever thought after seeing me that such can happen in my life? Now also if you see me, you can’t read my silence, you can’t read my heart and you will never understand me and my feelings. Only he understood me. He could even read my silence, my mind and heart. I still love him.
He may not have any existence for the world, he may not have any existence for you but for me he still exists. He is still there for me in my life, in my memories and I can live with that. I can’t give his position that he has is in my heart, to anybody.
Did you ever feel for me in such a way? If you say yes, then I will say no, because you cannot read or understand my silence, you cannot see the “Sonia” that is inside. You have only loved the Sonia you are seeing outside, you have never loved the Sonia that is silent, that is shy, and that is still living for her dead love. So I am saying you don’t love me and you have never loved me before also.
His Sonia
Friend: oh my god… what did you do then?
Rohit: you know the best medicine you can give to someone who is suffering from such a trauma…is let the person know that you are beside her… throughout her life. You know time heals everything and I thought I would make her forget all her past with my love…but sadly that wasn’t to be.
Friend: what did you do then?
Rohit: I thought she would be irritated if I forcefully try to come into her life so…I left her alone for few days… and then after 2-3 months I called her.
Here’s the conversation between us
Rohit: hello Sonia…
Sonia: …Rohit…!!! I thought you forgot me.
Rohit: Sonia you know you are my heart beat the day it stops beating I will not be alive.
Sonia: don’t speak like this…
Rohit: you know today is friendship day… happy friendship day to you…
Sonia: same to you.
Rohit: I will call back after some time ok.. bye bye for now…
Sonia: bye.
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Friend: so everything was fine…
Rohit: whenever I thought everything is fine…the reverse happens…
Friend: what happened then?
Rohit: you know my whole intentions were to heal all her past debacle.
Friend: so you couldn’t heal them?
Rohit: never…I tried my best but whenever I came close…unimaginable happens…as one day she spoke that she loves me…
Friend: so what did you reply?
Rohit: I was out of my mind…as I never expected her to say this to me… I loved her and I would speak about my love now and then…but it was totally unimaginable…
Friend: you said ‘whenever you think its fine the reverse happens’?
Rohit: yup… I didn’t know that it was the last time that she is speaking about her love for me as everything changed in splits…
Friend: ??
Rohit: slowly and slowly she distanced me from her life and one fine day I came to know that she loves somebody else…
Friend: what? She was flirting with you? What about that letter she gave to you?
Rohit: I don’t know what was she doing with me…and about that letter…I didn’t realize the depth when she gave it to me & I am still trying to understand what she meant …but the way things turned up for me….i wrote a similar letter to one girl named ‘shruti ahuja’ who fell in love with me during my college days…
Friend: are you kidding?
Rohit: shruti wasn’t the type of girl I thought…as she decided to go beyond my letter to know about everything…and somehow she contacted Sonia and her college friends…I don’t know what happened and what she spoke to them but things turned worse for me…
Friend: what happened?
Rohit: I knew Sonia was going away from me with every passing day…but shruti made my wounds grew deeper as Sonia cut all her contacts from me after conversing me about shruti .
Friend: what did you speak to shruti then? Didn’t you try to speak to Sonia?
Rohit: I never talked with shruti again…but shruti gave me a phone number of one of Sonia’s college mate. When all my efforts of talking to Sonia failed… I thought I should call to the number which shruti gave to me.
Friend: ok…
Rohit: I called him…and asked about Sonia…that guy helped me a lot…gave contact numbers of both Sonia and his boy friend. I called Sonia but that number didn’t exist…so one day I gave his boy friend a message…
Friend: what did you speak to him?
Rohit: I wrote-“I don’t know whether you know me or not…in any case there is no need to know me. You love Sonia don’t you? Sonia has faced a lot of pain in her past…you are the only one who can make her forget her past and make her happy…which I could never do…my best wishes for you and Sonia’s future.
Friend: so you gave it up?
Rohit: first listen to me…that guy replied me the next day…”thank you for best wishes. yeah I love her a lot. We both are happy together. Probably you are Rohit, right? I will keep her so happy that her past will not get any chance in here future. Ok bye…
Friend: what did you reply…
Rohit: you know the day I proposed her…she gave me the letter…from that day…I only wished her happiness…I only wished that she should forget all her past…by now I have also become her past…but the main thing is, she is happy now…and that’s what I want…so I replied wishing him “be happy and fulfill all your dreams which unfortunately I could never do”.
Friend: you know one thing you are a coward…you left your love just because someone else loves her?
Rohit: you are wrong…she loves her…if she would have loved me…I would have never thought of going away from her…
Friend: that means you accept your defeat?
Rohit: have you seen the movie ‘Namaste London’? Did you ever notice akshay kumar forcing her love to come back to her? Did you ever notice akshay kumar trying to snatch his love from the person the girl loved? He went to the church holding her hand for the marriage of her beloved that too with somebody else. You know you cannot force your love to come to you…if she would realize my love she would return to me…and I would be waiting for her throughout my life. She might choose to go away from me…but whenever she needs me…she will always find me beside her.
Friend: did you ever try to talk to her instead of leaving it on fate?
Rohit: talk??? What do you want to know?? About the countless calls and messages I sent her…unfortunately later she changed her number. I tried to contact all her common friends with whom she might have contact. I even tried to contact his father’s colleagues. I went to his father’s school which was 1000’s of kilometers from my college just to know about her. I roamed along the streets many days to find any clue about her…asking from door to door whether anybody knew anything about her. I went to her college to get her phone no and address…I got the address and the phone number. I called Sonia but she refused to meet me…she called me to her college but then also she didn’t meet me. I did all this by bunking my classes… not months but 3 years passed like this….whenever I got chance I tried my best to contact her. Just few days back I thought I should go to her home. I went there but came to know she left the place a year ago. I again went to her college but this time…I couldn’t get any of her information. Whatever I could I did…did I tell you about my tears…might seem like crocodile’s to someone…but fate wasn’t with me…you know my friends say if anybody in this earth is truly in love that’s me.

Friend: then why are you losing hope and giving it all?
Rohit: you know there is very little difference between fighting for your love and irritating your love…I did whatever I could. I don’t want to irritate her…I don’t want to create any more problems in her life…I KNOW NOBODY LOVES HER MORE THAN ME…NOT EVEN HER PARENTS…AND I CAN PROVE IT ANY DAY IF GIVEN A CHANCE…BUT LOVE IS NOT PROVED IT’S FELT…IF SHE COULD EVER FEEL MY LOVE SHE WOULD COME BACK TO ME…I want her to be happy and she is happy…without me. I didn’t loose neither did I gave up…i am still waiting for her to come back to me…because I believe true love never dies.
Friend: Rohit you know people like you makes me feel…true love really exist…but it’s hurting to see your fate…the fate of one sided love story…I don’t think anybody ever has suffered and struggled for his love like you…hats off to you…
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This is only a part of Rohit’s story…each and every day of Rohit can be added up, right from the first time Rohit met Sonia and can composed in ‘struggle for love’…but then it would not remain a blog but a story…a story which is incomplete… a story which in itself is a misery right from the beginning till the end…did I say end? Well the end is still to be written and I believe there is still some twist left…till then…make sure your life doesn’t turn up as it turned up for Rohit.
Love is a beautiful feeling and it’s the sweetest when you are in love. But it turns sour when it goes upside down. You can’t imagine how sour it can be unless you have gone through it…believe me love is something that can change your entire life…in a positive way but it can also ruin your life if it fails…everyone wants to be successful in love…but life doesn’t give everyone the same opportunity to be successful…cheers to those who are happy with their love life but my heartiest applaud to those who inspite of loosing are still surviving like anybody else…and are still waiting for their love to come back to them…
Long live the people who truly love…and long live the people who are loved by them.

WISH I SHOULDN'T HAVE CALLED ANYBODY AS MY SISTER

‘Do you like walking in rain or getting wet in rain? There are many who do because they don’t want anybody to realize that they are crying. I am one of the rare few who doesn’t like these not because I don’t have emotions or I don’t cry but the reason is I want everybody around me to know that I am hurt and I am crying’:-Ashwin
There are few things I should convey to all before I begin. This article is written to unveil the pain of the person concerned (Ashwin), so that people may realize how it feels when one is offended and secondly don’t hurt anybody by calling them as their brother. I have no intention to hurt any person. Even then if it offends anybody it’s totally unintentional.
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Characters of this story
Ashwin: the main character around which the whole story revolves
Avix: Ashwin’s best friend.
Adrija: Ashwin’s love.
Swagata: Avix’s love & Ashwin’s so called sister.
Tirtho: Ashwin’s friend.
Sanchari: Ashwin’s so called sister.
Sir: Mathematics tutor where Ashwin, Avix, Adrija, Swagata, Somrita, Sanchari used to study.
Somrita: Ashwin’s so called sister.
Sawan: common friend of Adrija and Somrita
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Why shouldn’t you call anybody as your sister? 1(Swagata)
Avix: Ashwin do you think Swagata loves me?
Ashwin: how would I know, she is much closer to you then me
Avix: she calls you as her brother you must know it.
Ashwin: she has never discussed all these things with me
Avix: why don’t you ask her? She will surely tell you after all she is your sister.
Ashwin: ok I will but if anything goes wrong don’t blame me afterwards.
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Next day:
Swagata: Ashwin, Avix is your best friend isn’t it?
Ashwin: yes he is but why did you ask this?
Swagata: nothing…just asked. Did he spoke anything about me?
Ashwin: about you? Why?
Swagata: does Avix has any girl friend? Or anybody whom he likes?
Ashwin: why are you asking me all this? If you are so much interested to know about him go and ask him.
Swagata: leave it. Why did you call me?
Ashwin: I know why you were asking me all those things…I guess the fire has spread in both the directions equally.
Swagata: what do you mean?
Ashwin: to be straight forward …listen don’t hide anything ok… do you love Avix?
Swagata: I will answer to your question tomorrow.
Ashwin: as you wish.
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On the following day:
Swagata: Ashwin take this (Swagata handed a muffled squeezed paper to Ashwin)
Ashwin: what’s this?
Swagata: the answer to the question you asked yesterday
Ashwin: (slowly unfolds the paper and spoke)…in the entire page only one word is written ‘yes’
Swagata: you know what I feel about Avix. Now tell me about him.
Ashwin: I don’t think you need me to know what he thinks about you…you will know it by yourself.
This was how it all started... Ashwin was happy for both of his close friend. Ashwin was in love with one of her good friend Adrija but he never told her. One day …
Adrija: (to Ashwin) do you have any girlfriend? I am noticing, your closeness with Swagata is increasing every day. Is there anything between you two?
Ashwin: have you gone mad? She is like my sister. Swagata also calls me as her brother.
Adrija: I don’t believe in all this brother-sister relationship.
Ashwin: ok I will prove you. *(when the person whom you love speaks about your closeness with another girl –a sense of urgency comes to prove that you have nothing to do with any other girl)
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On the same day:
Swagata: (called Avix and Ashwin and told them) Tirtho wants me to be his friend. I don’t like him.
Avix: I too don’t like Tirtho coming close to Swagata *(when you are in love you won’t like anybody else to come close to your beloved~ love is jealous indeed)
Ashwin: what do you both want me to do?
Swagata: Ashwin you are well known in the class and I am sure if you complain about Tirtho to the teachers they will listen to you and would believe you.
Ashwin: what should I complain?
Swagata: tell them that Tirtho is after me and he is harassing me. If the teachers ask me I will say the same.
Ashwin: but Tirtho is my friend…how can I do this to him?
Swagata: who is more important to you Me, Avix or Tirtho?
Ashwin: Swagata you are like my sister and Avix is my best friend. I will do anything for you two.
Swagata: so it’s fix you will complain today in front of the entire class.
Ashwin: ok
That day was one of the unforgettable days for Tirtho as he was insulted in front of the class for something which he never did. Whoever stood up to protect Tirtho was insulted including the head boy of the school. Head boy along with Tirtho tried hard to salvage something speaking against Ashwin & his affair with Adrija. But Adrija declined all the allegations against Ashwin. The end result was Tirtho’s head shook down with shame in front of the entire class in the presence of all the senior teachers.
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After few days:
Avix: I don’t think Swagata loves me.
Ashwin: why do you say so?
Avix: Swagata maintains a dairy…and she writes about everybody in that diary. If I could get that diary, I would know whether she loves me or not.
Ashwin: what do you want me to do?
Avix: nothing just makes sure she doesn’t come to know that her diary is with me, in the mean while I will take her diary…and Xerox those pages.
Ashwin: I am always there to help you …return quickly…
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That evening:
Avix: today I feel I am in heaven. Swagata loves me….see what she wrote in her diary.
Ashwin: I know it very well…(his eyes concentrated on the words of Swagata)-“the person I trust the most beside Avix is Ashwin, he is like my real brother”… (Ashwin thinks for a while) give these pages to me I need someone to see this….I am sure Adrija would believe me now.
This was the last time Avix and Swagata were together…. The affair of Avix and Swagata somehow spread far and wide including swagata’s parents …and it was the end of fairytale love story of Avix. Swagata broke all her contacts with Ashwin and befriended Tirtho. The story didn’t end here there was twist as Swagata told Tirtho that all those, that had happened against him was planned by Ashwin and Ashwin is the main culprit behind the demise of Tirtho’s pride in front of everybody. Ashwin and Tirtho’s friendship was already dented after that classroom episode. Swagata’s speech added salt to the wound, Tirtho’s friendship with Ashwin broke forever. Swagata who called Ashwin as her brother….not only turned Tirtho bitter enemy of Ashwin but also made a scar on the relationship of brother & sister which will never be healed.
The last thing that Ashwin spoke-‘I am certainly not responsible for the love tragedy of Swagata as I have nothing to do if her parents come between her love and what am I supposed to do as a brother? I did whatever Swagata and her love Avix asked me to do…I only wish I shouldn’t have called her as my sister.
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Why shouldn’t you call anybody as your sister? 2(Sanchari)
Adrija: (to Ashwin) whenever a third person as love comes in between two friends. Their friendship never ever remains the same.
Ashwin: I didn’t understand?
Adrija: you will, when a good friend of yours falls in love with somebody and he/she won’t even let you know.
Ashwin: if that person is my good friend. He/she will surely let me know you don’t worry about that.
Adrija: you are really immature…
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I won’t tell how good friends or brother-sister relation was there between Sanchari and Ashwin. People will realize this as they go through the passage.
After nearly 4 years (feb-2009):( Ashwin’s life changed drastically after he lost his love Adrija)
Sanchari: Ashwin you are my brother and you will always be my brother
Ashwin: when you will have someone special in your life that day you won’t remember me.
Sanchari: if I have anybody you will be the first person I to know about it
Ashwin: I will see that…can you give me your orkut’s id & password? Adrija is in your friend list isn’t it? I need her email id. You can change the password afterwards
Sanchari: I won’t give my orkut’s id and password. I will send you her email id.
Ashwin: as you wish…
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After few days:
Ashwin: (in Gtalk) where are you these days? I don’t see you online?
Sanchari: was bit busy with some work…
Ashwin: what work?
Sanchari: will tell you afterwards ok.
Sanchari: oy… got to go will talk to you afterwards have some work.
Ashwin: again work? What exactly are you up to?
Sanchari: will tell you, you won’t understand now…
Sanchari: gn…tc…tata…bye
Ashwin: same to you …good night… bye.
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After few days:
Ashwin: (in gtalk to Sanchari) when I logged into orkut I saw your name in my friend list…you must be online
There was no reply…
Not once but many times for the next few months Ashwin saw Sanchari name highlighting in orkut’s friend list… he sent countless gtalk messages but still there was no response from the other side…
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One day:
Sanchari: (in gtalk) it seems you have stopped coming online?
Ashwin: me? I have exactly the same to speak to you.
Sanchari: I was bit busy for few days yaar…
Ashwin: where?
Sanchari: you won’t understand will tell you afterwards
Sanchari: bye.
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After few days:
Ashwin: (in gtalk) hey Sanchari…one bad news I have lost my mobile along with all the numbers. If you don’t mind can you give your phone number to me?
There was no reply from the other side… Ashwin saw Sanchari’s name in orkut friend list that means that she was online… he thought she might have gone offline…(the messages in gtalk are saved into the chat lists of gmail). Ashwin saw Sanchari’s name again in orkut’s friend list next day but there was no response to his message...Ashwin waited for her response…for 2 months but there was no response.
After nearly 4 months
Sanchari: (in gtalk) how are you?
Ashwin: sorry are you speaking to me?
Sanchari: yes I am speaking to you.
Ashwin: why do you want to talk to me?
Sanchari: what happened to you? Why are you behaving abnormally?
Ashwin: I am behaving abnormally?
Sanchari: will you tell me clearly what happened?
Ashwin: you should have told me that you don’t want to contact me anymore…instead of ignoring my messages in gtalk.
Sanchari: I didn’t get any of your messages.
Ashwin: you didn’t give me your phone number…if you didn’t get my messages that means I am lying…or my gmail is showing wrongly that all the messages has been sent.
Sanchari: I didn’t get your messages. And why will I not give my phone number to you?
Ashwin: now you will say you even didn’t come online.
Sanchari: I used to come online but was bit busy with some work.
Ashwin: work…leave it Sanchari… I have had enough its better you don’t contact me again.
Sanchari: do whatever you want but for me you are my friend & a brother as you were before.
After quarreling for nearly half hour…Ashwin finally gave up and said…’Sanchari remember my words I am and I will be your friend and a brother forever but keep one thing in mind you cannot clap with one hand. The day I will be forced to shake hands with only my hand with no support from other side, that day I will be no more for you’.
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After few days:
it was Raksha Bandhan and it was the first time since Ashwin knew Sanchari that Sanchari didn’t wish him. Ashwin was angry with Sanchari but as usual he gave up his anger after quarreling for some time.
In the mean time few of Sanchari’s and Ashwin’s common friends told Ashwin that Sanchari has got someone special in her life. Ashwin didn’t believe them and argued ‘if that had been correct she would have informed him’. Ashwin declared all talks about Sanchari as baseless rumors.
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One day:
Sanchari messaged Ashwin
Sanchari: hey I have got the joining letter of the job in Kolkata…the training will be in Pune.
Ashwin: I didn’t get any such letter. Are you sure? Have you seen the mail by yourself?
Sanchari: I have not seen but my friend has checked my mail and told me
Ashwin: your friend checked your mail?
Sanchari: yes…
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One day: At Sanchari’s home
Ashwin: so you have got two job opportunities one at Kolkata and other at Bangalore where do you want to join?
Sanchari: I don’t want to live in Kolkata want to go to Bangalore.
Ashwin: is there any specific reason besides the salary?
Sanchari: nothing like that all my friends are there in Bangalore.
Ashwin: friends …ok
Sanchari: don’t tell my mother that the posting of the other job is in Kolkata otherwise my mother will force me to stay in Kolkata.
Ashwin: all right.
Sanchari’s mother came into the scene.
Sanchari’s mother: Ashwin, you are also placed in the same company as that of Sanchari…where do you think you will get the posting?
Ashwin: aunty… actually I really don’t know…but it can be anywhere in India.
Sanchari’s mother: is there any chance you all will get the placement in Kolkata?
Ashwin: maybe but I am not sure.
Sanchari’s mother: if Sanchari can stay in Kolkata it would be good.
Ashwin: aunty… you shouldn’t force her. I have heard she wants to go to Bangalore and if she wants to go there then let her go. She has grown enough to know what she needs to do.
Sanchari’s mother: she has not grown up as yet…she can’t live alone… Even now I have to wash all her clothes…doesn’t even eat properly. How can she survive in a new place?
Ashwin: everybody faces similar problems but you don’t worry about her. I know a child will always be a child to her mother…but Sanchari has grown up much more then what you think. She will take care of herself.
Sanchari’s mother: I really don’t know what she is up to…
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After Ashwin lost his love he stopped celebrating his birthday’s but there were rare few people who remembered Ashwin’s birthday and wished him. Sanchari was one of them but this time Sanchari didn’t wish him. Ashwin didn’t speak anything to Sanchari…he didn’t even quarrel as he used to. He talked with Sanchari as normally as he could.
And nearly after a year Ashwin met Sanchari and they decided to go together to their mathematics tutor where they used to study during school days.
Ashwin called the sir (mathematics tutor) one day,
Ashwin: sir I would be coming to your house along with Sanchari.
Sir: (on hearing Sanchari’s name) you two are best of friends from school days. Did Sanchari speak anything to you?
Ashwin: (puzzled)
Sir: listen you have grown up now… you have completed your studies got your job now I can ask all these things to you.
Ashwin: (still puzzled)
Sir: is there anything between you two? Like couples?
Ashwin: sir you are mistaken…there is nothing like that.
Sir: Sanchari’s parents are worried about her. In the mid of her studies she has stopped contacting everybody. There is certainly something.
Ashwin: sir she didn’t contact me also. I didn’t have her phone number for months. And in gtalk she would not reply me.
Sir: you are certainly hiding something… tell me frankly is there anything between you two?
Ashwin didn’t know what to speak so he spoke about his love Adrija..
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After few days:
Sanchari and Ashwin decided to go to sir’s house. Sanchari asked Ashwin to wait at a particular place so that they could go to sir’s house together. Ashwin was waiting for Sanchari…but sir came there before Sanchari and asked Ashwin what was he doing there. Ashwin told he is waiting for Sanchari for nearly half an hour….
Sir: leave all this Ashwin.
Ashwin didn’t speak and silently absorbed the words spoken by sir. In the evening after coming from sir’s house Sanchari’s suddenly spotted a girl from the road
Sanchari: she is sexy isn’t it?
Ashwin: (turned his head with irritation)
Sanchari: seriously she is good what do you say?
Ashwin: if you are so much interested then why don’t you approach her?
Sanchari: wait a minute I am straight I was looking a match for you.
Ashwin: Sanchari shut up.
This match finding of Sanchari continued the other day also when Ashwin met her…but Ashwin was much irritated by her now and spoke
Ashwin: Sanchari you used to speak it’s better to be lesb? Isn’t it?
Sanchari: oy I am straight…I used to speak those jokingly…
Ashwin: so what’s his name? I think his name starts with D and he works in Bangalore isn’t it?
Sanchari: (tried to fool Ashwin) yup I have many boyfriends…I go with dates with one everyday here also
Ashwin: I am not talking about Kolkata…I am talking about Bangalore
Sanchari: Ashwin are you mad. You know I don’t want to marry.
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That night:
Ashwin came to know something more about Sanchari’s special friend in Bangalore through a common friend. So he messaged Sanchari
Ashwin: you are going to Bangalore on 16th isn’t it? You want me to go with you to sir’s house for one last time, Sorry but I won’t be coming.
Next day: Sanchari replied
Sanchari: I got a message popping up in my inbox (cell)… I couldn’t get the entire message.
Ashwin: strange isn’t it. Whenever I speak you don’t get anything.
Sanchari: will you speak clearly?
Ashwin: I heard something about you and a guy
Sanchari: is it wrong? What have you heard and who told you?
Ashwin: I expected you would tell it to me and not anybody else. Anyways I am not going to tell you anything more.
Sanchari: I don’t know what you have heard but whatever you heard may not be all correct.
Ashwin: Sanchari all may not be correct but whatever I know is correct…when I asked you about your phone number…you told you didn’t get my message in gtalk… you didn’t get my message because someone else was online with your account. You don’t give your id’s and password to anybody isn’t it and somebody else checked your mail and told you that you have got a joining letter…you didn’t reply to several of my gtalk messages because you weren’t there but it was somebody else.
Sanchari: I don’t want to reply anymore. Without knowing anything assuming is not right.
Ashwin: yes…everything ‘s fake.
Sanchari: I am afraid to tell you anything and I know you won’t believe me that I am afraid to tell you.
Ashwin: there is no need to be afraid of me anymore and no need to speak anything.
Sanchari: I know you won’t believe…yes he is the senior of my college & lives in Bangalore but in few days he would be going somewhere else…so whatever you may have heard may not be all correct.
Ashwin: I don’t need to hear anything…I have got my reward I don’t need anything more.
Sanchari: I agree I should have detailed you…but you won’t believe the reason of not telling you…I have a fear…everybody fears to speak all these things to elder brother.
Ashwin: brother??? I kept on quarreling with you when you didn’t wish me on Raksha Bandhan without knowing the reason of your busyness. I didn’t utter a word when you didn’t wish me on my birthday. I kept silent when sir kept on blaming me. When your mother was asking me about you…I remained novice. When friends would tell me about you I will fight with them saying that it’s all meaningless, I would argue with them saying I would have known if anything of that sort be true. You couldn’t tell me about all these things but you could fool me with words that you don’t want to marry…you fear telling me the truth but you could find ideal match for me on road. Sanchari you have been a great sister….. And if possible don’t contact me again. I don’t want to see you anymore…and please don’t reply to me again…Sanchari one last sentence for you leave me alone.
Sanchari: Fine… you only know to be weird? Good enjoy your life. I will do whatever I like, will reply when I want to. Don’t speak like this…or else I would never come even if you call me. Anyways I don’t have any hope in my life…anyway enjoy. Tata for now.
After few days…Sanchari scrapped Ashwin I am leaving Kolkata tomorrow. Best of luck for your future. Enjoy.
Ashwin was hurt enough to reply Sanchari…he didn’t have any words left for Sanchari. To be precise whatever Sanchari made him feel calling him as a brother cannot be explained by words. Now he realized why Adrija told him-‘whenever a third person as love comes in between two friends. Their friendship never ever remains the same. ‘After this Ashwin could only speak to himself-‘I only wish I shouldn’t have called her as my sister.’
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Why shouldn’t you call anybody as your sister? 3(Somrita)
Nearly 3 years ago:
Adrija: Ashwin you know that you are good but the main problem with you is that you look everybody from your prospective but most of the people don’t visualize things the way you do.
Ashwin: Adrija you know about many things much more then I can ever know, can you be more specific?
Adrija: people whom you consider your friend may be they think you are in contact with them just to fulfill your petty reasons.
Ashwin: I don’t think any of my friends think about me like that.
Adrija: time is the best tutor…you will know everything with time.
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2 year ago:
Somrita: I have sent you a Raksha Bandhan message did you get it?
Ashwin: yes I did.
Somrita: I have been calling you for a long time where were you?
Ashwin: I went to the mess for the morning breakfast. Why were you calling me?
Somrita: I sent you the message there was no reply that’s why
Ashwin: I just came from the mess and saw your message…I was about to reply you and you called me.
Somrita: Ashwin happy Raksha Bandhan to you.
Ashwin: I am glad you remember and most importantly called me today.
Somrita: next time I will send you Rakhi to your hostel ok.
Ashwin: it will be great.
Somrita: mail me your address whenever you are free.
Ashwin: next year’s Rakhi is still a long way I will surely send you my address if you wish to send me Rakhi next year.
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After the school days almost everybody became busy with their life and the contact lessened with every passing day. But there was one person whose friendship grew with Ashwin every day and to be frank they hardly talked during school days. She was none other than Somrita. Ashwin regarded Somrita as one of his real sister and I think Somrita also considered Ashwin the same. They would call each other if the other gives a miss call even at midnight…Ashwin would speak everything about his day to day life to Somrita as she was only person left… whom Ashwin called sister (Ashwin’s contact with Swagata ended way before school ended, Sanchari hardly used to talk as most of the time she would be busy and hardly had any contacts with Ashwin that time)
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One day (around June 2009):
One of Ashwin’s class 10 friend scrapped Ashwin in orkut: ‘Ashwin try to get out of the trauma…’
Somrita read the scrap and without consulting anything with Ashwin. She started asking all Ashwin’s friend what has happened with him. None of the friends knew anything. Finally Somrita messaged Ashwin
Somrita: what happened to you?
Ashwin: what can happen to me?
Somrita: that’s what I am asking to you?
Ashwin: I am perfectly fine.
Somrita: you are not.
Somrita: you made me your friends just because you want informations about Adrija.You don’t tell me anything…you trust others more than me.
Ashwin: don’t ever repeat what you just said or else I will never contact you again. I never make friends for reasons. I am your friend just because of friendship and nothing more.
Ashwin: what did I hide from you?
Somrita: I saw someone scrapped you to get out of trauma
Ashwin: gosh! And you think I didn’t tell you about my trauma?
Somrita: no you didn’t
Ashwin: what is there to speak you know everything.
Somrita: don’t crack puzzles ok…you never said anything and I don’t know anything.
Ashwin: you don’t know whom I love?
Somrita: I do…but what is this trauma?
Ashwin: I told my friend about my love and my sufferings because I love Adrija more than anything in this world…that’s why my friend asked me to get out of trauma.
Ashwin: now tell me you didn’t know that.
Somrita: but that is age old story now…
Ashwin: that may be an old story for you but Adrija is still my present as well as my future. And by the way I don’t get opportunities to talk to my class 10 friends’ everyday…like I talk with you. I chatted with her after a long time and so told her about Adrija. She told me to get out of trauma.
Somrita: ok… I got it.
Ashwin: is everything clear to you? One thing I am telling you today…keep that in mind…whatever I speak to you I hardly speak to anybody else (with the exception of Avix-you know he is my best friend). So if you don’t know anything about me be pretty sure nobody else knows anything either.
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After a week:
Ashwin: I don’t know why are people like this?
Somrita: why what happened?
Ashwin: do you know what Sawan did?
Somrita: if you don’t tell me how would I know?
Ashwin: Sawan told Adrija that I have threatened him to give Adrija’s number or else I will beat him up. I don’t know why did he do this?
Somrita: hmmmmm
Ashwin: do you know what actually I tell Sawan?
Somrita: what?
Ashwin: I told him…that Adrija trusts her a lot. That’s the reason she has contacts with him and not with anybody else. I told him if Adrija doesn’t want me to know her phone number I don’t need it furthermore I told him please don’t give Adrija’s number to anybody else as indirectly he is giving the number to me.
Somrita: are you mad? You want her number why did you tell all this things to him?
Ashwin: listen I had a long talk with him and I realized Adrija doesn’t want me to know her number. So I had to speak that. I had a slight hope that Adrija would ever talk to me…but I doubt after Sawan’ speech to Adrija my chances to speak to her have become quite impossible.
Somrita: Sawan has also spoken many things about me to Adrija.
Ashwin: when I heard Sawan told Adrija that I have threatened him…In return I told Sawan don’t worry I won’t disturb you anymore…you feel insecure talking to m…I cannot do anything to which you have spoken to Adrija…but I will make sure that I won’t disturb you anymore or else you have to make some other stories to speak to Adrija…I certainly don’t want that. Be happy and good bye.
Somrita: did you really speak that?
Ashwin: what do you think? I want Adrija to be happy and if she is happy without me I am happy. By the way what is Adrija’s secret?
Somrita: I cannot tell you…Adrija might not talk to me anymore but I cannot disclose what she spoke…I cannot reveal any personal things.
Ashwin: ok...no need to tell me anything…I won’t ask you about it anymore. Good bye.
Somrita: see you are always concerned about Adrija…you made me a friend just to get information about her.
Ashwin: that’s what you think…all right I don’t need any information about her and no need to contact me again.
Somrita: what happened to you?
Ashwin: I told you before also I am you friend just because of friendship and nothing more…if you think I made you my friend for my personal requirement then better don’t contact me.
Somrita: I never meant that.
Ashwin: you told that twice in a week…and I am concerned about Adrija because I love her…you have problems don’t contact me again.
Somrita: I told that in anger.
Ashwin: whenever people are angry they speak whatever they really feel about others…and I am glad to know what you feel about me. I don’t need anybody who thinks I am his/her friend for reasons. Good bye.
Somrita: please listen to me.
Ashwin hung up and then he didn’t respond to any of Somrita’s call or messages again…
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Nearly after a year (June 2010):
Ashwin came to know from a common friend that Somrita is angry with him. Ashwin couldn’t make out the reason of her anger…but he decided to ignore her as she had already spoken a lot.
One day Ashwin got drunk…actually it was his first time…and god knows why he messaged Somrita
Ashwin: I am drunk and I love Adrija.
Somrita: why are you telling me this?
Ashwin was too drunk to remember what he messaged her after this.
Next day:
Ashwin: I don’t know why I messaged you yesterday if I abused you I am sorry. I was drunk and I wasn’t in my senses.
Somrita: whatever you spoke was really absurd.
Ashwin: what did I spoke?
Somrita: why do you always relate me with Adrija? I don’t have any contacts with her.
Ashwin: you were her best friend in school. If I won’t ask you then whom would I ask Sawan?
Somrita: Adrija herself told she doesn’t want to keep contacts with me. You also broke contacts with me.
Ashwin: I broke contact with you? I think you have forgotten what you spoke to me.
Somrita: I considered you my brother.
Ashwin: (by now Ashwin was much irritated with Somrita speaking her as brother) let me know if you speak to your parents that they are in contact with you for some reasons. Brother my foot.
Somrita: you have spoken a lot. You have broken the relation of brother -sister
Ashwin: first let me know whatever you told me…can you speak that to anybody who is in your blood relation. If you do I don’t need such sister.
Somrita: what do you want from me.
Ashwin: if I were at my senses yesterday I would have never messaged you. And when I did I must say, you think I made you my friend for Adrija then let it be. If you can, give me her phone no or else leave it. I don’t have anything more to speak to you.
Somrita: I don’t have her no. you can take the number from Sawan. I don’t have any contact with him.
Ashwin: (he got angry on hearing the name of Sawan again) why don’t you have any contact with that eunuch?

Somrita never replied after that…Ashwin didn’t feel to ask anything more to her.
If you really think that someone is your brother. You cannot speak what Somrita spoke to Ashwin. Ashwin contacted Somrita when he was not in his senses…that means he really thinks her to be his sister. We know when people do anything without being in senses that’s what he/she really wants. That’s the reason; even though he didn’t contact her for a year…he messaged her being drunk. Instead of understanding Ashwin, Somrita kept on blaming him that he broke the relation of brother and sister. That’s why Ashwin replied…: if I were at my senses yesterday I would have never messaged you. And when I did I must say, you think I made you my friend for Adrija then let it be. If you can give me her phone no or else leave it. I don’t have anything more to speak to you.
At the end when Ashwin looks back and thinks about the past…how the three girls who called him brother made him feel…wish he could realize Adrija’s word before it all hapenned…and most importantly
‘Wish he shouldn’t have called anybody as his sister.’
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Is revenge your ultimate goal?

First think about these questions
1) What will you do if the person whom you dislike comes to you for friendship?
2) If the person whom you think is your foe (but not from the other side) suggests something will you take it positively?
3) If you come to know that the person whom you hate is in some need, will you help him?
4) How do you feel on hearing the success of your biggest rival?
5) What will you do if your enemy comes in front of you?
Hostile, negativity, revenge, jealousy, rivalry, wrath, Belligerence & hatred, I have deliberately selected all these nouns (except hostile which is an adjective) because all of these goes hand in hand with each other. With reference to the above questions and few other examples I will convey the common mentality of human beings. How forgiveness has given its way to revenge. How people have forgotten the principles of brotherhood and most importantly how we all have forgotten humanity. Through this article I will throw some light and focus on these major issues of mankind.
Common mentality of people: suppose a person is striving for something and suddenly he realizes that in any case he is not going to achieve what he wants, what will he do? Many would laugh hearing this but this is time tested truth, if it’s a material he will try to destroy it & if it’s human then he will insult him/her. Mentality of common person has become ‘if I couldn’t get it nobody should either.’
Coming back to the first question disliking somebody is totally a mental thing a person who is disliked by somebody doesn’t mean he is disliked by all or has no qualities where you can like him/her. Friendship comes with your willingness to be a friend. Similarly friendship with someone whom you dislike totally depends on your desire. Let’s take one simple example when you are in school or in colleges you tend to have many friends but do all of them stay with you when you move away from school & colleges…the answer lies in the willingness of the person. Now let me clarify the word dislike. Why do you dislike a person? Because of nature, Attitude, or any past happenings? Have you ever come across to a person whom you dislike but has become a good friend of yours of late? Things like this happen with everybody so nature, attitude, past happenings, or nothing else matters the only thing that matter is your willingness. If you are willing to be a friend you can be a friend even to the person whom you dislike. But here comes the common mentality of the person he will always be tentative with the person whom he dislikes. He will call him a friend but his friendship will never be from his soul. In short he will never be able to be a good friend because he will always be doubtful.
Second question is analogous to the first one when you are tentative with your friend you tend to remain hostile with them. A sense of negativity comes within you. Even if the other person is speaking for your well being you will not take it positively. You will always have a feeling in your mind that he is my foe he cannot suggest anything good and whatever he is suggesting there must be some evilness in it. When you have these negative thinking towards anybody then you can never be anybody’s friend. Your tentativeness will not allow you to be a friend. You will never take the words of the other person positively; caution is the only way for you.

What will you do if the person who has despised you comes into some trouble? Don’t say that you are a god fearing person and you will help him out. Most common trend that’s seen is to ignore the person and his troubles. People often say he has disdained us so why should I help him out? He deserves whatever he is facing…and the contempt goes on. In this situation helping the one whom you hate is certainly out of the context of human relations. When I was talking of brotherhood and humanity I was stressing on these things only. Everyone looks after himself and his family. Even the animals take care of themselves and their family but we don’t associate animals with humanity then what’s the difference between them and the most intelligent species on earth? Have you ever thought of helping other without any motive of yours? Have you ever thought of helping just for the sake of humanity? If an accident happens within your sight you won’t go and help instead will go away saying I am getting late for my office or I don’t want to be entangled with matters related with police. A person is dying in front of you but you don’t have time this is what we have achieved in our age old civilization. When a question of helping someone you hate comes, instead of humanity a sense of revenge prevails and people are often seen adding salt to the wound. You will hardly see the other way around.
When I am talking about rivals I am not talking about the rivals in business or your competitors. I am talking about the rivals in human relations. Many people will say rival in human relation is totally a wrong concept. Rival is anybody who is against you. A person competing against you in your job is not the only rival you get. It can be anything or anybody whoever opposing you is your rival. Suppose you love somebody and a third person comes and takes away your love. What will you call him? What will you do to that person? Whatever you call him or do to him I am sure it will not be any good for your rival. I don’t think you would ever be wishing your rival best wishes for his future. You will think I am a geek but the day you will learn the art of forgoing your pain and think of the better future of your rival just because he is better then you, you will surely achieve something in your life. That something is nothing but humanity where you wish your rival all the best so that he can fulfill his dreams, the dreams you could never achieve. Don’t think I am negative and obliging you to kneel down seeing a better rival. You should give your best but what if your destiny is to lose. Or in other words you have lost a battle in your life, what should be your attitude towards life that’s what I am focusing on? Those who are better then you have respect for them. Oblige them with your brotherhood and not with jealousy or hatred. Be happy for them at least they could claim what you couldn’t. The toughest part is to be happy when your rival succeeds do you know why? Because you are jealous. If you could remove anything from you, remove jealousy then you wouldn’t see any rivals around you.
If you are given a wish to fulfill when your biggest enemy is in front of you what will you aspire? Ninety nine out hundred would wish for revenge. Is taking revenge everything? Suppose your son died because of the fault of the doctor, does that mean you will kill doctor’s son as revenge? Will your son return with your revenge? Let me take another example suppose someone betrayed you and took all your happiness away, does that mean you will take revenge from that person? Will you get back your happiness taking revenge from the person who betrayed you? If your answer is yes then I must say you are living reel life. Taking someone else’s happiness can never bring back your happiness. The only thing it can do is to satisfy your greed for revenge. Revenge can never be the solution of a problem, the only thing it can be is the path of destruction of humanity.
I don’t know how this wrath came up to humans who in turn capitulated to this Belligerence. But one thing is for sure, hatred is leading them to their unavoidable extinction. It seems Forgiveness has lost its esteem. And the only thing that can be viewed throughout is revenge. Friendships, humanity, brotherhood, mankind, helping other are all the elements of ancient civilization which hardly exists. I really don’t have any clue where will this civilization end up with. But wherever it may go the end would be very drastic. It’s high time for all of us to put down our head and start concerning about our future and if we the youth don’t think about its future then who would? There are lots of things to think about regarding our future civilization and one of the most important is humanity. I am really sorry to say, if our ultimate goal is revenge then there would not be any humans left in this mankind.