Thursday, July 29, 2010

Love marriage & arranged marriage…!!!

One of the most common proverb that we come across is ‘marriages are made in heaven’. It’s a miraculous god’s play that we know everybody from our birth but the one who becomes one’s life partner, we come to know about her only when the appropriate time comes. Marriages off late is broadly categorized as love and arranged…but their also exist a third category & I will let you all know about it along with the pros and cons of both arranged and love marriage.
Arranged marriages are regarded as the one which comes from our cultural roots, signifies where we have come from be it from any religion, caste or culture whereas love marriages were looked down upon and weren’t accepted by our fore front ancestors. But if you look at the past you would come across with many examples of love marriages…well there must have been some flaws in the traditional system that led to the silent rousing of love marriages. If we look at the present constitutional rule every male who has attained the age of 21 and female of 18 has the right to marry according to their wish and no law or rule can be enforced to devoid their right to marry according to their choices.

Arranged marriages:
India the country known for its rich cultural grounds…and going with those rich culture the culture of arranged marriage had come from ancient past. In ancient times, in arranged marriages the parents & the elderly persons of the family decided the match of their ward and the person concerned had no right to decline or deny the match chosen for them. With time and wits this traditional system was manipulated a bit, with a change that the parson to be married is asked about their liking of their opposite match. But the main concept of choosing their match is still done by their parents… the most modernistic arranged marriages are done where the couple chosen by parents are not only asked about their concern but they are also allowed to spend time with each other, going to dates and all so that they come to know about each other. Marriages of this kind are accepted by one and all as it has the backing of all the concerned members of the family and the society.
But there are few major flaws in this marriage system. The couples to be married know each other for only a month or two and it’s very hard to know one’s competency with the other in such a short notice. Some may argue that such arranged marriages have been successful and will be so in the days to come. But if this is the case why are there broken relations and divorces in the society? One may conclude where there are pros there will be cons and the rate of divorces are very low. But if you look at the statistics the rates have grown more than the population rate of the country. If the old theory is correct then why almost every country has given a right to the citizen where they can marry according to their choices? Looking at the recent past majority of the marriages is still arranged & this is certainly not because it is the most competent system but because people didn’t have the courage to go against the society and the family. They wouldn’t think to do anything which is against the tradition laid by their ancestors and would ultimately sacrifice their life for the betterment of their children. But the young generation who is not only concerned about the society and the family but also has an eye for their life and their choices…this change in the view has resulted in the increasing number of love marriages.

Love marriages:
Love marriages came into existence as a silent outburst against the traditional marriages. Incompetency factor was completely wiped out as the partners before going off to marriage knew a lot about each other. There is a better understanding between the couple and thus is considered as more effective then the arranged marriages. It gave the adults the right to choose and look beyond the age old thesis of the society. But it has raised concern to the family and the society, as our parents and a society as a whole fail to go with the thinking of the youth and are so obstinate about their traditional ways as such today also love marriages are looked down by many societies. Irrespective of their disapproval by the society love marriages have grown from strength to strength. Acceptance of love marriages among today’s youth is mainly because marriages are more crucial to the couples concerned then the society as they have to commit themselves for their life and it's worth a point to go against the obstinate rule of the society as it’s about their entire future.
I don’t give a damn to the society but still there is one thing that I cannot ignore and it's parents. As love marriages have grown joint families have given way to nuclear families but most importantly in selecting their partner for life they are ignoring their parents & leaving them alone to face the cruel world in old age. It is very hurting to know that given a choice to choose between parents and love. Today’s youth are going towards love. I am not against love but leaving parents for love is certainly not a good option. That is why I reverberate about the third category of marriages.
Most of the people are confused when I am speaking about the 3rd category? Is there a 3rd category where love as well as parents is given equal importance? Actually there isn’t any clear cut 3rd category but a submissive of the love and the arranged marriages. Still confused? Well I am speaking of love which is seen in love marriages and then the marriage which is arranged by the parents and the entire family. There comes the next question is that possible? The answer is why not, most of you must have read the two states of my marriage by chetan bhagat. If you have the guts to fight for your love then why don’t you try and convince your parents and other members of your family regarding your love. Marriages are certainly made in heaven but a happy married life is possible only when you have the acceptance and blessing of your parents and other elderly members of your family. I am not against arranged or the love marriages but if you ask my suggestion I will certainly go with the 3rd category where there is love cum arranged marriage…I have a strong feeling that if you are so much concerned about your love then you should also be concerned about your parents accepting your choice as a partner…thus in today’s world the mantra for a happy ‘love cum arranged’ married life is first to stand upon your feet where you are capable enough for your beloved in all spheres of life & then approving both the parents of respective families to accept the other person as your life partner…

Thus I would end my discussion by repeating those famous words: “Marriages are certainly made in heaven but a happy married life is possible only when you have the acceptance and blessing of your parents and other elderly members of your family, be it a love or arranged marriage.”

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Why do people suffer?

Suffering is a part & parcel of life. Name a person who hasn’t suffered in life…it’s a guarantee you won’t be able to name a single person who hasn’t suffered. Everybody suffers be it a billionaire or a beggar. Have you ever thought why do people suffer?
Why is there so much suffering in this world?
There are various reasons of suffering. Failure is one such example. This failure also has varied dimensions but the most comes basically from one thing. I will lead you to the suffering a person faces since his birth till he dies with the various phases of life. The reason of this suffering would be crystal clear by the time I finish.

1) Childhood
A new born child of 3 months cries when he doesn’t see his mother around. Why does the baby cry?
Childhood are often called the best part of one’s life & child is said to be closest to god because he is free from all the evils of this world but then also a child suffers. This suffering is because he expects his mother to be in his side all the time.

2) Friendship and bachelor’s life
Suffering is something which can be best understood by those who has gone through all the ups and downs of life. We know a person cannot live alone throughout his life, during the life’s journey he meets many people some come and go, some become part of his life but there are rare few whose existence or absence plays a major role in one’s life and this suffering goes along with the absence of those people.
A person grows up makes friend and in the time being becomes so accustomed with his friend that even his absence makes them unhappy. To some extent the suffering of aloneness is the most endemic and widespread.
No person in this world is perfect or is similar to the other a famous saying states that birds of same feathers flock together but being practical about things even the twins have lot of differences among them. Even the best friends have dissimilarities between them when we get along with friends it’s often seen we start expecting from them & even a single decision which is against our desires or in another way a single step your friend take without your knowledge makes you feel cheated. For example… your best friend who shares everything with you but due to some reasons he/she hides about his/ her love life with you & you come to know about it through some common friends, when you want to clarify the matter with your best friend he/she denies the fact which infact is a truth…how would you feel? Cheated isn’t it?
You will suffer. The basic reason of your suffering is your expectations. You expected your best friend to speak everything to you.
Just think from a different angle is there any instance where you have taken decisions for you best friend without consulting him/her? I know you will always think the best for your best friend but it is quite possible your friend wanted to tell you and you came to knew it before hand. It is quite possible he/she denied because he/she wanted to give you a surprise or was waiting for the appropriate moment to tell you. Friends’ thing can go from bad to worse in split of seconds but to maintain a friendship it takes much more then breaking a relationship & forgetting everything. Why not forgive your friend just for the sake of friendship.
3) Education and professional life
A person who clears all the rounds of his recruitment in Indian air force doesn’t see his name in the short lists. He suffers, why?
He is suffering because he is expecting his name to be short listed as he cleared all the hurdles. During the student or the professional life everybody comes up to a phase where he doesn’t get what he expected or what he deserves. This is life you have to take each set back as another stepping stone for your success…have an attitude not to give up….success will be your one day.

4) Married life
A person marries a girl & shares all his past life with his wife ao that in future they might not face any queries about his past. But the girl hides some of her past life, which after many years comes to the ears of the husband. How would the husband feel? Betrayed isn’t it?
The reason of suffering of the husband is because just like himself he expected his life partner would tell her everything. Things have turned to a situation where I must clear few things because these few things could make or break one’s life.
As I said earlier no two person are equal therefore their thinking, their nature doesn’t need to be the same as their partner. You have disclosed everything to your partner & you expect the same from her…but may be because of fear, self prestige or introvert nature she didn’t share her past to you. Don’t take this as betrayal and the best part of life is lived when you don’t try to change things but change yourself according to the circumstances & therefore marriage is successful when you accept the other person the way they are.

5) Retired life
An elderly couple who sacrificed everything just to see his son leading a better life be it education or anything else in return their son throws them out of home. The old parents suffer because they expected his son would take care of them. This is indeed the cruel aspect of life people cannot live without depending on others & when elderly parents expect their son to stand right next to them, his ward forgets about his ageing parents love and sacrifice. He forgets what his parents have done for him. The only place left for them is the old age home.

I have tried through examples how suffering varies during a life span the reason for all the suffering lies behind a single word ‘EXPECTATIONS’. Yup’s you are right this expectations is the major factor for all the failures, depression and suffering in this world a very famous saying from the ‘ VAGWAD GITA’ states that we mustn’t bother about the result & shouldn’t expect instead we should only bother about doing the best we can do & leave the rest to the almighty. Everybody gets what he/she deserves sooner or later.

Success is fulfilling your expectations where as suffering is not getting what you expected…
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